Asking women out and getting them to say yes is an art that many men have tried to perfect for years. Searching for a single never-fail technique is often what leaves many men confused and rejected. The truth is that there are a lot of different factors that come into play when a girl decides whether she is going to accept or reject your invitation. You can’t count on one sure-fire method, so being aware of some common strategies that will NOT work in scoring you that first date may help you avoid some embarrassing rejections.
1. Asking In An Email, Text, Or Facebook/MySpace Message
Can we say high school? Asking a girl out via an electronic form of communication automatically tells her that you don’t have the confidence to ask her in person. Ever since we have developed these newer methods of communicating, more and more people are relying on this non-face-to-face interaction to work on their social skills. If your reasoning for asking a girl out online or in a text is because it is easier and less embarrassing if she rejects you, then you should second guess that decision. You probably actually increase your chances of rejection because now you gave her an easy way to say no. She’s also going to think that you are a wuss, and no girl wants to date a wuss. You might also come off as creepy if there isn’t any mutual attraction. Another issue is that if you are not comfortable enough or know the girl well enough to give her a call or talk to her in person, then there is not much hope that you will ever be comfortable around each other in a dating sense.
2. Trying Too Hard
Women are great at sensing a man’s desperateness, which is a huge turn-off. Don’t be pushy in asking when the perfect time would be to call or asking every day of the week that she is free. It won’t be the end of the world if you call while she’s still at work. Leave a message-if she’s interested, she will call you back. Being pushy is never attractive, so be careful not to try to “convince” her that she needs to go out with you. On the other hand, that does not mean you should give up too easily. Backing down right away if a girl doesn’t seem interested will make her think you really were not that into her in the first place.
3. Showering Compliments Or Gifts
Many women realize that when a guy is showering them with compliments about their hair, their eyes, their laugh, or their personality, he comes off as trying to only tell them what they want to hear. A woman will appreciate a genuine compliment about something that makes her really stand out to you. Telling a girl you really like her dress doesn’t impress her-she already knows it looks good because that’s why she bought it and is wearing it.
Another method that guys use in attempts to win a girl over is showering them with gifts. Everyone knows that you can’t buy someone’s love, and women see right through a man who is trying to do just that. Although a girl may act ecstatic every time you get her something, she is still probably not into you, she is into the presents. This could also get you stuck in a trap, where it’s a bad sign when a girl only seems interested when she is getting something out of it. That doesn’t mean that a little thoughtful gift or some flowers for a special occasion aren’t appropriate, just be careful with the timing as well as the intention and meaning of the gift.
4. Cheesy Or Overly Suggestive Pick-up Lines
A guy may think he can pull off the cheesy-line humor and get a laugh out of a girl. The reason a girl ends up laughing at any of these lines is most likely because she can’t believe that someone actually tried to pull one on her, whether he was serious or not. Chances are, she’s heard them all, or variations of the same idea, either from her own experience or her friends’ or from TV or movies. Trying to come up with your own version of, “Did that hurt? When you fell from heaven,” is only going to set you up to look like a guy who only hits on girls to get their attention. Although it may work in some cases, like if you already know the girl well, steer clear of reciting any cheesy come-ons. The only thing they might be useful for is striking up a conversation about your lame sense of humor, in which case you better be prepared to recover quickly and make fun of yourself.
Even worse than a cheesy pick-up line is a too-sexually-suggestive one. Come-ons like, “Those are great pants, they’d look better next to my bed,” and “Those are nice legs, what time do they open?” will probably be successfully at turning a girl off. She could instantly write you off as a pervert who attempts that same line with every girl he meets until he gets some. Women will then think you are disrespectful and “only out for one thing.” Unless you know the girl and know that she goes for that type of humor, it would probably be safer to avoid making any outright sexual suggestions early on.
5. Talking Too Much
Some men get nervous when they are about to ask a girl out and end up rambling on and on. If you only talk about yourself, the girl will think that you don’t care to listen to anything she might have to say. Showing that you are interested in someone means that you ask her questions and want to find out more about her. A girl will think you are full of yourself if you continue on about your life, your experiences, and your job and never ask a thing about hers. Also remember that you don’t need to talk a lot and tell her a lot in order to grab her attention. If you stay somewhat mysterious, she will wonder what you are all about and be intrigued to find out what you’ve got to offer.
6. Asking In Front Of Your Friends
If a guy asks a girl out in front of all his friends, she might feel like he is trying to impress them instead of her. This puts her in a tough situation, where she might feel obligated into accepting even if she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want to make him look bad in front of his friends. She may also feel like she is being put on the spot, and she might purposely reject you in an embarrassing way in front of your friends. The whole situation puts a lot of pressure on the girl, making her wonder what and how much he and his friends were talking about it beforehand and then what they are going to say later.
7. Overconfidence
No girl will be impressed by a guy who acts like he is God’s gift to women. Confidence is sexy, but overconfidence is annoying. This is again where the mysterious factor plays in. Carry yourself confidently and speak confidently, but be careful not to sound boastful or conceited. Nonverbal confidence is the best kind. Your approach and your body language say a lot more than you may realize. You don’t need to pile the ego on top of it. She will be more interested if you don’t try to prove that you are doing her a favor or that she will be missing out if she turns you down.
8. Calling The Next Day
Using the classic two-day rule is still always the best thing to follow after getting a girl’s phone number. Waiting to call will help build her anticipation in addition to making you not look desperate. Keeping her wondering if you are actually going to call will make her more excited when you do. This rule also applies to any online contact. Don’t be a stalker and add her as a friend right away on Facebook or MySpace. If you are already friends or you already have her email, don’t cheat and use these instead of a phone call. A call is must more personal and courteous. Some people may argue that this belief is old fashioned, but a girl will be much more impressed if you make the effort to call her up.
Overall, there are a great number of things that influence a girl’s likeliness to agree to that first date. Keep in mind that there are some factors you can’t control-no matter how charming or smooth you are, a girl could still reject you. But you might be able to help out your chances of scoring a date if you remember to avoid these 8 things that will NOT work.